the saddest week of my life

i got rejected. i got rejected by NUS, NTU and SMU. All Three. if you think you were sad because you didnt get what you wanted, this takes sadness to another level. add depressed to that too. to work your ass off for the past two years of your life and get nothing but three stinking rejection letters, i think im entitled to be depressed. to feel the need to cry every single minute.

this is where my life stops. this is where i lose all faith.

it's funny, how you can go to a catholic school for six years, praying everyday, believing that there is actually a God out there, and that no mattter what, everything would be okay.

i'm not okay. im far worse than okay. i'm-lostallfaith-not okay.

it's so funny how life takes you on one hell of a spin just to let you fall. to be branded that loser. the person who didnt make it.

i didnt make it.

that was one week ago.

and it felt like the longest week of my life. seriously.

how do you know when the sadness ends? when do you know you're not depressed? how do you not equate failure with death? how do you stop this mourning? how do you just make it stop?

some say time will heal the pain. maybe one day i will be okay. i guess.

i guess the greatest thing that resulted from my failure is my friends. the people who are there to catch my fall. friends who tell me its okay, to not be sad, who give me strength, to give me hope. hope to move on to something else. something else which is maybe my fate. and friends who just pray.

even though i lost everything in three pieces of paper, i think i gained something in retrospect. i gained a new respect for my parents, and appreciation for my friends who were the for me when i needed them the most.

i guess im a little over that sadness, and am more excited about my life. i guess i am thankful.